Being self-awareLooking after your wellbeing

6 practical ways to stop people-pleasing

5 minutes

Often, we only realise we’ve people-pleased after the moment has passed. It might look like agreeing too quickly, saying yes to extra work, or softening a message to avoid tension. The intention is usually good, but the outcome often isn’t: blurred boundaries, weaker decisions, and sometimes quiet self-resentment.

Letting go of people-pleasing isn’t about becoming rigid or unhelpful. It’s about responding deliberately instead of reacting from pressure.

Here are six practical ways you can interrupt people-pleasing, inspired by Psych2Go’s How To Stop People-Pleasing.

Learn to self-validate

No one understands your values, limits, and capabilities better than you do.

Self-validation doesn’t mean ignoring feedback. It means separating external opinions from your own judgment and trusting yourself first.

Self-validation starts with curiosity. Reflect on yourself with the following questions:
• “What do I like about myself?”
• "What am I good at?"
• “Are what other people say about me actually true? What’s their proof?”

When you validate yourself first, the weight of what others think is up to you.

Learn to say no

People-pleasing is often an impulse to automatically say ‘yes’ to anything others say or ask.

When someone asks something of you, pause and ask:
• “What works best for me or my team?”
• “If I say no, will the consequences really be that bad?”
• “If I say yes, what will it cost in terms of time, energy, focus or my beliefs?”

That pause creates choice.

Take time for yourself

If people-pleasing in the moment seems unavoidable, step away from the conversation. You don’t have to decide on the spot. A simple, “I’ll think about it,” or “I haven’t really given it much thought” can help you pull away from the conversation and assess what it really means for you.

For requests:
• “When do you need this? Let me check my workload and get back to you.”
• “Can I come back to you later today?”

For opinions you’re unsure about:
• “I need more time to think this through.”
• “I’m not ready to weigh in yet.”

Time gives you space to respond, not react.

Know where you’re going

Set short-term and long-term goals. These will help you identify what you should be saying yes to, as people-pleasing can make you agree to anything - even if it doesn’t support you. Clear goals help you recognise what deserves a yes.

Ask yourself:
• “Where do I want to be in five years?”
• “What am I doing right now to get there?”
• “Will this request actually help me in my goal?”

People-pleasing makes everything feel equally urgent. Direction restores priority.

Reduce access to draining people

Helping others is generous. Carrying responsibility for their problems is not.

You may not be able to remove every difficult person from your world, but you can change how much access they have to your time and energy.

In the conversation, ask yourself:
• “Is this my responsibility to solve, or am I just saying yes to avoid tension?”
• “Do they really need help, or are they just looking to unload this on me?”

Resist the urge to apologise

Before apologising, pause and ask:
• Have I actually done something wrong?

Apologise when you’re at fault. Don’t apologise for having needs, limits, or a different view.

People-pleasing may be a hardwired habit, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to break. By becoming aware of your own tendences and putting your own needs first, you can slowly begin to break these behaviours.

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