Being self-awareLooking after your wellbeingSelf regulating
Being kind to yourself
Being kind to yourself
Key Takeaways:
There are three components of self-compassion: self-kindness, mindfulness, and a recognition of our common humanity.
The belief that we need to be hard on ourselves, criticise ourselves to succeed or reach our goals or make a change is actually the number one block to self-compassion. People are afraid that if they're kind to themselves, they just won't get anything done.
People who are more self-compassionate take more responsibility for their mistakes, they're more conscientious, and more likely to apologise.
A huge number of dysfunctional behaviours are driven by shame. Shame is the undercurrent behind everything. Guilt is "I did something bad," which is about our behaviours. On the other hand, shame is "I am bad."
The useful kind of perfectionism is "I want to do my very best, but if I don't, I'm still okay." Another maladaptive and unhelpful perfectionism is if "I'm not perfect, I am bad."
The harsh inner critic of ours doesn't have consequences just for us. When we are harsh with ourselves, that harsh voice can also come out in our conversations with others.
If you don't give yourself compassion when you're experiencing these negative emotions, and instead you try to suppress them, then you haven't actually dealt with them. Whatever you resist actually grows stronger. So, trying to avoid them creates this pressure, which comes out worse than ever.
We are stuck in a negativity bias that stops us from experiencing the good things in life and fills us up with self-pity driving people away.
Self-compassion is also good for relationships. When we can be more forgiving toward ourselves, we can be more forgiving toward others.
We don't have to be better than others, In order to feel good about ourselves, we can accept that we are all flawed.
Sources
Hidden Brain (2021). Being Kind To Yourself. hiddenbrain.org/podcast/being-kind-to-yourself/
by
Hidden Brain